French is NOT a country.

SO I hope I can do this blog justice. I ranted to Carpet last night about this and I'm afraid all of my creative rantings were lost in the conversation. This blog will be the first installment of many entries, as this is a 2 hour French class I'm documenting.

Last night marked the first night of my non-credit French class at the local community college. What up, DELCO. First of all, not that I'm being a diva, but I've never taken a class or even been in a classroom at a commcoll. I couldn't even find the room, and when I got there, it was all eyes on the newbs entering the room. 13 people in the class including myself. Of course we take a moment to introduce ourselves once the prof. has done so herself.
Christ on a Christopher Guest film.

Any volunteers? Oh yes! Let's welcome LaDonna,Madonna, I don't know what the christ her name was, all I know is that she's retired, had about 8,000 french foreign exchange students (and attended all their weddings in France) and would like to visit more often, because the obvious 'name dropping' of cities wasn't good enough. Yes, I must add that she was front and center. ATTENTION, BITCHES!

Next? Ahhh, Phyllis. The woman wearing the matching turqouise seersucker outfit complete with evidence of a Bedazzler. She was stoked for the class, especially with her new pen that had a silk sunflower with a wingspan of about 6 inches atop it. Phyllis is also retired and wished she could be like Cameron Diaz in the Holiday.
Think again Phy-Lo.
Next, me. "I'm Sarah. I'm a musician and I fix clarinets. I want to go to Paris and continue to study. STEP OFF BITCHES." Ok, maybe not the last part, but everything else was true. Yeah, I had my new notebook and new pencil, but so far, freakin Va-jayjay-donna had an ENTIRE page of notes written, and this was only the icebreaker!

Fourthly, I don't know her name, but she was Southern. Let's assume she has two first names, like Tammy Lynn or something. A middle-aged woman, tanned cottage cheese and fake blonde hair. "Hey y'all. I'm takin' this class becaaaawse mah fiancee is from KWA-BECK and I wanna be able to speak at a higher class level than all his families and such." Let me tell you what Tammy Lynn, you're already leaps and bounds ahead! During the class, all she did was apply lip gloss and eat about 3 boxes of tic-tacs which she shook every time she went in for the munch.

Next, I don't know what his name was, but he looked like a cartoon character. He was "NOT-retired " hhaha, how funny. He has some regular job and wants to expand his horizons. He also had hair growing out of every oriface of his head to make up for the top being completely clean. He thought he was pretty funny. Well, he wasn't.

Morris the clown, don't mess around. Some middle aged Irish engineer with 3 daughters. Aspires to visit France once a year. Couldn't really understand him because he was like 7 feet tall and spoke like an Irishman on helium. He seems pretty unoffensive, I'll give him a break.

Brazilian Slut Face.
This girl is a real gem. "I have been here in United States for 1 year and 4 mou-nths. I come from Lower Americas and I am learning Franche because my b-well, ex boyfriend said I am stupid, but I took him to Brazil and my parents couldn't even communicate with him in Spanish. My mother made me get out of the shower becuase they coudn't talk to him. Chris says Portuguese is trashy and I am stupid, so I am here to learn another language."

Thanks for sharing.

There's a few other people, the other stereotypes you'd imagine, but this is getting pretty long.
Part 2 will involve a story about Tammy Lynn and where French Fries come from.